Costa Rica Declares State of Emergency

As Polar Vortex Sends Temperatures Below 75° Fahrenheit

When meteorologists forecasted a drop in ocean temperatures to "lukewarm" due to the polar vortex that ravaged North America, President Laura Chinchilla quickly responded by declaring a State of Emergency.

PLAYA CONCHAL – President Laura Chinchilla declared a State of Emergency yesterday as the polar vortex that froze most of North America blew in to Costa Rica and sent mercury plunging to a record low 73°F (23 °C).

Chinchilla urged Costa Ricans to take precautions as the Nordic front pushed south, encouraging citizens to wear covered-toe sandals and heavier tank-tops and/or short-sleeved shirts. Furthermore she suggested that women wear adult-sized skirts, and for men to use less hair gel in case of a sudden deep freeze.

sheets“We could be facing a national crisis,” Chinchilla said in a national address beneath an umbrella to deflect the frosty dry season sunshine. “If Niagara Falls can freeze, who’s to say that Rio Celeste or La Paz waterfalls isn’t next? We must be prepared for what could be coming."

Beach-goers also had vacations disrupted by the Arctic air as tourists complained of below bathwater ocean temperatures and not getting as tanned as desired for fault of erratic cloud movements interrupting their doses of vitamin D.

“I don’t even know why I brought cocoa butter,” said irritated U.S. tourist Pamela Sanderson, as her forehead beaded with sweat standing outside her all inclusive resort in Guanacaste. “My boyfriend only surfed for FOUR HOURS yesterday because the water was so cold. Can you believe that?”

The National Meteorology Institute said the front should pass by Sunday as temperatures will rise to a comfortable 85-86°F (30°C). In the meantime citizens are advised to keep warm by slightly closing their windows (if they have any) and if necessary even use a sheet on their beds at nighttime to lessen the effects of such frigid temperatures.

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